April 27, 2007

Now There's a War Worth Fighting!

From White House Surveillance Tapes 07-952 and 07-953.
Speakers: Cowboy and Karl
Timeline: 11:23 p.m., April 1, 2007
KR: Yeppers, Mr. President, imagine this: the aliens are attacking, and we have to meet a threat to the planet.
CB: What about the wall? Dangit! Where's Rags? Is the bunker prepped?
KR: Uh, hang on there, sir. Just bear with me for a second, sir ... it's not a real attack. Look, I know, I know. The whole Eye-rack thing hasn't been the PR bonanza we envisioned ... who expected the public to care about the causes of the war so soon? I mean, they didn't start deconstructing Pearl Harbor until the 70s!
CB: Goddamn videotape.
KR: But look, here's a can't miss proposition, sir. It has everything! Scary enemy, ready-made promotional materials, the potential for truly massive equipment expenditures, even a global mandate if we handle it right!
CB: Go on.
KR: It's so plausible. People are ready for it. Every time things get a little dicey ... a little ecological collapse, economic disintegration, political turmoil, yadda yadda ... the aliens are right there, ready to take over. It's a familiar situation ...
CB: Yeah, right, familiar sitcherashun.
KR: Good try, sir. Try to concentrate ... So here's the lowdown: some smartass reporter who actually reads (who knew?) finds this book by a couple of moonbats in Arizona with initials after their names. They claim to have developed a defense strategy for the planet against (get this!) ALIEN INVASION.
CB: Hehehehe!
KR: You got it! You seeing it, sir? It's frickin' brilliant! Want to piss off Putin? Claim those missile batteries we're planting on his border are to defend against SPACE ALIENS. They have NOTHING to do with the Russkies at all ...
CB: Hehehhehe!
KR: Need to drop a few megatons on Ahmedinnadouchebag* in Eye-ran? No no, sir, it's the OTHER "eye-place", the one next door. That's right, the one with the Eye-atollahs!
CB: Ummmhmmm?
KR: Well, look, we just visit Tehran with a few B-2s some afternoon and Hell, just blame it on the SPACE ALIENS!
CB: !!
KR: It can't lose, sir.
CB: ??
KR: Now all we gotta do is scare the crap outa those NASA weenies. Have them "discover" that the aliens'll be here in - what's good for you, sir? - 17 months? "Martial law to fight the Martian Menace!" ... it writes itself!
CB: I dunno. Won't someone want to see the aliens? I mean the WMDs and all ....
KR: Heh! We've got 50 years of Hollywood to draw on!
CB: Er, um ....
KR: Okay, okay, you sleep on it, sir. We'll keep this one in the can for now, but consider it as a contingency, okay?
G'night, Mr. President.
Sleep tight.

* Thanks to Bill Shatner for the moniker!
Note from Muninn! Click on post title for backstory-Thanks

April 20, 2007

April 16, 2007


April 16th, 2007.
32 people shot dead, 24 wounded. Lone sociopath attacks Virginia University. I hear Frank Zappa in my mind singing"It can't happen here, it can't happen here, it can't happen here, no no no, it can't happen here." Ol' F.Z. was one sarcastic son of a bitch.
Wake up People!
It does happen here. It happens to people who are defenseless because they have entrusted their safety to the State. It happens to people who live in condition White. Is your personal defense weapon loaded and within reach while you read this. No? Why not? Because"it can't happen here? Turn on the T.V. babe, cause it's happening right now, live and in color. Then, stop the wailing and gnashing of teeth and go call the N.R.A. Tell them that you would like to take a firearms qualification course. It takes less than an a day and costs less than $100.00 .
Then, if you live in Virginia, or Wesbygod, or Pennsylvania, or any of the 39 states that issue private concealed carry permits, Go Get One. Then, go buy a pistol whose calibre begins with the number 4. Ya see folks, one lunatic attacks a college with over 26,000 students and probably at least as many staff and workers. He is using 2 9mm pistols. His attack begins around 7:00 A.M. and ends 4 or 5 hours later. He kills 32 people and wounds over 24. Eventually the police show up and the perp assumes room temperature. This the best evidence available that "The Police Can Not Protect You." The duty to protect you and yours lies with yourself only, but owning a firearm is useless without the proper mind set. You must stop living in condition white(oblivious to one's surroundings and an easy target-the bad guys can tell, believe me). Condition yellow is easily maintained daily( alert, eyes up, scanning for bad guys,-easy to spot, believe me on this one too). Be prepared to switch to condition Orange at a moments notice( threat identified-Danger!) Then go to condition red if necessary, concentrate on front sight, keep squeezing trigger until threat is eliminated. Afterwards, call 9-11 if you like. Celebrate your survival with good scotch and the roast beast of your choice. Remember what the guy said about the tragedy of flight 93, which was hijacked and crashed in Pennsylvania on 9/11. Same thing applies to this latest modern massacre. "Too many cell-phones, not enough pistols".
It can happen here folks. It just did. Again.
A tragedy, a travesty.
Muninn out.

April 13, 2007

How Green Was My Entre'?

The conservation movement recognizes that humanity is a consuming entity, eating up the resources of the planet Earth.
What it fails to do is think the argument through.
Green-ism is a growing and seemingly unstoppable emotional tide encouraging folks to use resources wisely and sparingly, to recycle, to avoid using "non-renewable" resources, etc.
This is all well and good, so far as it goes. It is a foolish monkey that fouls its own nest, right?
But what conservationism fails to take into account is that, willy or nilly, Mankind IS going to use the planet up.
We eat, we burn, we smelt, we poop ... all that good stuff. And eventually, we will use the planet right up. Gonegone. Clean plate.
Now, conservatism, environmentalism, the whole fuzzy Green Movement, has as its ultimate goal (were they to stop and consider it) the mere prolonging of the day when we have finished eating the Earth. If we are real real careful, they would have it, we may put off for a century or more the date when we ultimately are "done" chowing down on Mother Earth.
Of course, an asteroid may squish us before we have finished the dessert, but them's the chances we simply must take (they say) ... a few more years on this rock for our descendants, and all we have to do is suffer shortages, short-cuts, second-rate alternatives and inefficiencies for the REST OF OUR LIVES.
What's the solution to this seemingly pointless existence? Oliver Twist had the answer, "Please, sir, may I have some more?"
We need another planet. And not in a thousand years. We need another planet to eat and soon.
There are virtually infinite (well, really really huge, even if ultimately bounded) amounts of resources available once we get off this rock. There are (as Carl Sagan used to say) billions and billions of planets out there for us to snack on. And that's assuming we even choose to do the whole "gravity well" thing; after all, asteroids are much easier to break into bite-sized bits and you don't have to "blast off" to get back into space.
The basic fact is that Humanity is the locust of the universe. We invented "technology", which consumes resources in order to make us into Gods. The more resources we consume, the more God-like we become. It is the logical goal of our species. We should realize this.
The alternative is to throw off our clothing and run back to the plains of Africa, forgo the whole "civilization" thing as a bad job, and end up eaten by a cheetah.

April 12, 2007

And So It Goes

Nov. 11, 1922 to April 11, 2007
Kurt Vonnegut dies after a fall in Manhattan.
And so on.
The creator of Mother Night, Cat's Cradle, God Bless You Mr. Rosewater, Slaughterhouse Five, and Breakfast of Champions (among many more), Vonnegut had retained his acid wit and barbed tongue, though he stopped writing novels years ago.
I am still struggling with how I feel about the passing of this seminal American author: hack, showman, modern Twain, self-conscious curmudgeon or crusader in wrinkled linen. At the very least, he added spice to the oatmeal of the literary scene. At the most ... who knows?
I dunno. I dunno. I dunno.
I do know that his books and collections should be required reading, for any one of a number of reasons, but primarily because he had a style. A [fill in the blank] style, worthy of study if only because so much of today's writing seems not only to have been written on a computer, but written by a computer.
I shall not say I will miss him, because he has a place in my home, right there beside the Hemingway and pretty far from the OED.
Farewell, Kurt.
*I hope Montana Wildhack greets you on your arrival.*

April 04, 2007


General Norman Schwartzkopf once famously opined,"Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without your accordion!". The diplomatic equivalent to this sentiment would be something like,"Negotiating from a position of weakness is like showing up for a gunfight with a kazoo!". The picture above is the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan CVN-76 (CVN is Navy lingo for Big Nuclear Aircraft Carrier).The Reagan battle group departed San Diego this week bound for the Iraqi Theatre of Operations(ITO). In reality,it is on a "Diplomatic" mission to Iran. It is not a Kazoo! Iranian President Ahmadamnutjob knows this. Just yesterday I was beginning work on an article deploring the decline of the British Empire's ability to project enough force around the world to rescue it's own subjects. Today, I awoke to read that the Iranians had decided to release their illegally kidnapped British hostages. When Jimmy Carter was president, this same Iranian leader held American hostages for 444 days. Obviously, he was not afraid of Pres. Carter or his Kazoo. Although it is deplorable that the European nations have largely abandoned military procurement while hiding beneath the U.S. nuclear umbrella, at least the anglosphere has made a go at it. Sometimes, it is good to have allies, and Prime Minister Blair has chosen wisely for once in his life in that regard. Reading the comments after the article in the Washington Post, I was heartily amused. The useful idiots who regularly post to that fish wrap took the occasion of the release of the Britons to lecture President Bush about the superiority of the "Diplomatic" approach, as opposed to his usual insane Cowboy warmongering. The magnitude of their lack of understanding of international affairs was actually laughable. They were clueless of the fact that the Naval armada assembling in the region is the most potent ever seen in history. The Iranians that have been captured in Iraq have provided more than enough intel to prove that Iran is providing many of the factions with equipment and training used to murder American Soldiers and Iraqi civilians,soldiers,and police alike. By itself, this is casus belli for America to make war on Iran. The Kidnapping of the British Marines also is enough to invoke a NATO response. Ahmadamnutjob could read the writing on the wall as well as anyone else with half a brain. His world was about to come crashing down-hard. It was not diplomacy that freed the Brits, nor compassion from the Iranians. It was the fear of total destruction. That is what underlies any successful diplomacy. Without fear of harm, diplomacy is at best begging for favours and at worst pre-emptive capitulation. The Mullah's know we are coming. Dubya has said "No Nukes for Nutjobs"(or the equivalent). That is why we must stay in Iraq. An American Army next door may help persuade Iran to the path of rightousness. If not, hard men with rifles will do the job. An American Navy offshore, with a naval officer as Theatre Commander must give one pause. We may have just passed our "Munich Moment". Please note: No one has claimed there will be "Peace in our time". Brunhilde, prepare your cavalry. Hugin and his brother shall soon break-fast.